Will this be?

A storytime of love lost and that amala day.

I got asked out on a blind date recently. Before you get too excited let me set the stage. Dating is fun, but I’ve had my fair share of tumultuous dates. The pursuit of love has taken me to many interesting places. Once a tall dark skinned man captivated me with his aligned teeth and his full and symmetrical beard (these days, we both know how rare this is). For our third date, he took me on a one day road trip to Ijebu Ode to have lunch at his grandmother’s house because in his words, “her amala, o sweet”. Food, the very way to my heart, of course I had to go. The journey however was incredibly dull, he had zero chat and his sense of humor was tragic. In addition he had serious road rage and a nasty tongue. I consoled myself by praying and staring at his beautiful face. After this encounter I realised, like Esau, that it’s important not to sell your soul for food.

We arrived and the food was laid out for us. First of all, the ewedu tasted like lightly salted toothpaste and the amala had more lumps than 20 camels have humps. They both stared at me waiting for my verdict, as I grudgingly gulped the food down with every fibre of my being, I wheezed and whispered “wow mama, you really know how to cook huh”. She smiled and said, “my dear, this recipe has been in our family for years” and right there, for the first time, I prayed that what somebody loved so much would end in their generation. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said he was trying to poison, kidnap and marry me but as we say in warri “dirty no dey kill black man”. I survived, a few bruises to my gut and tongue but I’m alive. By the time we got back to lagos, post infatuation clarity hit and I realised he had a few bald patches in his beard.

Now you can understand why this date had to be different. My heart could not survive another terrible one on one interaction.

On a normal day I would have brought my spec to my pastor and she would have rolled her eyes and told me to be guided. “Another man full of height, full of beard, full of money but void of the spirit”. My usual response is that i’m called to the lost! But I was lost when she flipped the script and brought a fellow to me. She said “You will like this one and you must meet him”. At this point, it’s clear she does not trust my choice in men, I take no offence, I don’t either. Do I cringe in rebellion or give this man a chance? She told me he was quieter than what I’m used to but he has a good heart. As women, you know that when someone’s first compliment about a man is “he has a good heart”, he may not have a lot going on elsewhere so you’re being consoled by his heart. I’m speaking in the flesh right? sorry. The more she described the characteristics of this man, the more my mind was preparing itself to see somebody I’d have to grow to like. Honestly speaking though, besides a stellar sense of humor, the no.1 thing I look for in a man is kindness, (So sometimes I look back and wonder what took me all the way to Ijebu). Not someone who has charisma, but someone who is generous and considerate in nature.

This was meant to be a blind date so she refused to tell me his name. I have time. I went through her instagram and clicked on the profile of every single man she followed that I did not know. I only got 1/4 way through before the mental stimulation was intense so I closed the app. Immediately after I felt God ask me “Why can’t you let go of this area of your life? Why must you be so in control”. I sat there and began to mentally list the many times I handed my worries to God and it felt, truly felt, like he had failed me. But instead I said with words what my heart had rejected, “Oh no God, you know I trust you”. Lies. For a second I forgot my favourite psalm, psalm 139 which asks God to search me and know my heart.

It wasn’t that I did not want to go on this date, my mind was being plagued with memories of the many first dates I’d been on that ended nowhere. I know what it’s like to settle. That amala that I hated but finished eating, is a reminder of my ability to settle, to accept less and convince myself that this is all I deserve. Would this be another date of pretense that would lead to no end? The only romance I found as an overweight teenager were the love handles arounds my waist. Let’s not talk about adult rejections, having to set physical boundaries, having men say they could “do this no sex thing” and end up walking away within weeks. Where has trusting God in this area of my life gotten me? Currently it looked like nowhere. It had gotten me to a place where even my singleness is a daily worry for my pastor.

As my pity party continued she calls me back and says “He sent you a message and got no response, reply!'‘. I tell her all my worries and my desire to sabotage this before it begins and she whispers “Darling. don’t be so stuck in the past that you let the enemy cheat you out of what could be”. I cry a little and say okay. Somewhere in my mental spiral was the Holy Spirit whispering “ but what if this time was different”? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. As I sit here in anticipation, wondering if I’ll ever fall in love with amala again, I run back to the same God I claimed to have forgotten how to trust, and said:

Lord, I have a date on Friday, please prepare me.